is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
