I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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