yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Randomize
