he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
