he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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