sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
