Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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