if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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