take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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