addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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