My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
