i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
