So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
