allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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