you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
