Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
