Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
