She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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