I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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