Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the day after is always just damage control
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
