I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
