I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
