She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
