It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
