True but thats because hes a fetus.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
