So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
