All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
