Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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