You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
