cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
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You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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