Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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