dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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