I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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