u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
