all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
