i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
