i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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