It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
