and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
