just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
All I want is dick and wine.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
