I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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