I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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