so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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