hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
