Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
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