Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
