Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
