He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
