But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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