I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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