hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
