just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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