it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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