yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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