but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
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It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
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You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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