How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
where are my eyebrows?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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