i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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