Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I need to sanitize my soul.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
