can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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