last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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