my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
